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I am stupid. How dangerous would one of these be to me if I picked it up by the ends (Or whatever to make it discharge into my body)?
It wouldn’t be dangerous at all to do that. They can be dangerous because the cells are unprotected, so if you short the ends together with something a lot more conductive than your fingers (eg metal) the cell will very quickly overheat and possibly catch fire, since there’s no protection circuit to detect and cut off current when a short is detected.