I’m 30 years old (soon to be 31). I’m a new trans woman (still working through how I might accept it and see myself). I’m unsure how far I should go. I’ve spoken at some length on other communities about what it feels like to be “ugly and masc”. I realize feeling like I can’t “pass” as a fem is partly due to deeply rooted transphobia. I have what most older men have: masculine distribution of fat (bit of a belly), hairy everywhere, fears of balding (so far not yet), deepish voice, etc.

If I had no friends or family, I’d probably just go all in: hormone therapies, voice training, surgeries, etc. But I feel like I need to pass in front of my immediate family since I’m sure I wouldn’t be accepted. I love them, but they wouldn’t get it.

I don’t know how far I should go with transitioning. I am currently considering growing out my hair, shaving, and trying to do exercises that conform my body to a more stereotypical feminine shape. Is there a lot of risk in hormone therapies and voice training? Is it hard to go “boy mode” after the fact? What about being 30+ years old and starting it? Should I just accept I’ll never pass?

  • SuperNovaStar@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    4·
    5 days ago

    But I feel like I need to pass in front of my immediate family since I’m sure I wouldn’t be accepted. I love them, but they wouldn’t get it.

    Have you talked to them about this? I hope that they would be more accepting than you fear. Most people are.

    Even my deeply conservative religious family reacted better than I expected. I mean, it still wasn’t good, but it was far better than I was fearing.

    Should I just accept I’ll never pass?

    That’s a question lots of Trans people struggle with. Shoot, there’s even a few songs about it.

    What I will say is that “passing” is really more for broader society anyways. Once you surround yourself with people who accept you and support you, those people will see you for who you are regardless of what your body looks like. Self-acceptance and self-expression are not only more realistic goals, but I’d say they’re more fulfilling.

    While I can’t bring myself to feel this way about myself, when I look at the other trans women I know, I think they are absolutely beautiful. Even the parts that are more clockable. Hell, especially those parts. Being trans is beautiful. Our identity is something to be proud of.

    And when you find the right community, that’s how they will make you feel. They will make you feel seen and accepted and loved and celebrated in your entirety without the need to hide any part of who you are.

    Because you are beautiful. Even if you don’t know it yet.