I’m an older transguy and “pass” very well but I’m considering detransition due to the dangers of the world. I’m in the US and it’s no secret that trans people are being targeted. I’ve been considering if it would be worthwhile to stop testosterone, don a wig, and play dress-up as a woman until this trans witch hunt is over.
I’m solid in my identity, not depressed or panicked. I’ve been in many dangerous situations in my life and know how it feels to make decisions strictly for survival. I know I can withstand detransitioning temporarily or permanently if needed. Not being on T and dressing a certain way won’t make my identity any less true or valid.
I’m at the age where I really don’t care what my outer appearance is or how people perceive me as long as I’m safe.
I could use some feedback from the kind folks here, especially any older transguys.
Disclaimer: no part of this is meant to imply that there is a right or better path for my other trans bros, sisters, and siblings. There is no right way to be your true self beyond what you deem it.
i’m (probably) not as old as you are (>5 years on T/in my thirties) but i cannot imagine stopping testosterone would help you at this point
the target is on, essentially, “people who look trans” (so, including non-passing trans people, as well as gnc cis folks or folks who tend towards androgeny in genetics or hormones). we have always existed, and there have always been, passing trans people. part of our survival has just been… passing, and only engaging in intimate relationships with trusted people
you would, in my opinion (without seeing you), more likely “fail to pass” as a woman instead of as a man. you didn’t really talk about this much in your post, beyond implying you’ve been on testosterone a long time, but if you pass consistently as it is…
holy fuck, NO, DON’T DE-TRANSITION!
presumably, you have facial hair, you might have top surgery, you probably have the muscular and fat distribution of a man! why would you spend probably two years, endangering yourself as you detransition, for something that will (hopefully) at least be tempered in four years?
if anything, my bigger concern is just staying supplied with testosterone until the end of the term. if i run out and start detransitioning, not only am i going to be depressed as fuck, but also i’ll likely be in much more danger that way, especially 6/12 months in
(and i don’t want to downplay the trouble that chenical dysphoria invites either, good mental state is absolutely a boon in surviving dangerous situations)
if anything, now is the time to figure out how to secure your testosterone supply. if your papers all have your updated gender, and your current supplier is on your side, see if they can adjust your diagnosis from gender dysphoria to hormone imbalance. at least on paper. otherwise, see about securing local sources of testosterone from your supportive community, or do some reading into crypto and finding an online source for it (which will always be around, albeit expensive)
i’ve also lived a hard life and i also would detransition if i had to, to survive. however, my assessment is that, given that i already pass completely, it would be a huge mistake to try to preemptively detransition. and honestly, i’m grateful for that. those of us who are earlier in their transition, or whose presentations lean more non-binary, have a much harder assessment to make
and, as fucked up as it is, we can use our powers as cis-passing men to speak up for those of us in more vulnerable positions. it does everyone good to have more of us in those positions of power