Security guarantees? Europe’s picking up the tab while Washington cashes out. Hegseth’s “pragmatic evaluation” means funneling Europe’s GDP into Lockheed Martin’s quarterly reports. NATO’s 5% defense spending target? A $2.3 trillion shakedown disguised as collective security. The Continent’s industrial base is now a Pentagon subcontractor.
Crimea’s gone. Zelensky’s bargaining chips? A lithium deposit map and a graveyard of Leopard tanks. The “non-NATO peacekeeping mission” is just a rebrand for EU cannon fodder patrols. Von der Leyen’s already drafting memos about “volunteer brigades” staffed by unemployed Iberian welders.
The real “negotiated settlement”: Trump’s Mar-a-Lago membership roster now includes Rosneft executives. Europe gets to foot the bill for demining Donbas while Chevron drills the Black Sea.
The fact that Europeans bet their whole future on a politically unstable country that can completely change its entire policy every four years will never stop being hilarious.
Europe’s gamble isn’t just hilarious; it’s tragicomic. Hitching your entire geopolitical wagon to a nation that treats foreign policy like a reality TV show is less strategy and more roulette. Every election cycle, Europe braces for the next wildcard—will it be isolationism or interventionism? Nobody knows, least of all the Americans.
Meanwhile, the EU’s “unity” is a patchwork quilt of conflicting interests, stitched together with bureaucratic duct tape. Betting on stability from across the Atlantic while your own house is on fire? That’s not foresight; it’s delusion.
The real punchline? Europe bankrolls this circus while Washington reaps the dividends. At this rate, they might as well start paying for campaign ads in Iowa.
Security guarantees? Europe’s picking up the tab while Washington cashes out. Hegseth’s “pragmatic evaluation” means funneling Europe’s GDP into Lockheed Martin’s quarterly reports. NATO’s 5% defense spending target? A $2.3 trillion shakedown disguised as collective security. The Continent’s industrial base is now a Pentagon subcontractor.
Crimea’s gone. Zelensky’s bargaining chips? A lithium deposit map and a graveyard of Leopard tanks. The “non-NATO peacekeeping mission” is just a rebrand for EU cannon fodder patrols. Von der Leyen’s already drafting memos about “volunteer brigades” staffed by unemployed Iberian welders.
The real “negotiated settlement”: Trump’s Mar-a-Lago membership roster now includes Rosneft executives. Europe gets to foot the bill for demining Donbas while Chevron drills the Black Sea.
The fact that Europeans bet their whole future on a politically unstable country that can completely change its entire policy every four years will never stop being hilarious.
Europe’s gamble isn’t just hilarious; it’s tragicomic. Hitching your entire geopolitical wagon to a nation that treats foreign policy like a reality TV show is less strategy and more roulette. Every election cycle, Europe braces for the next wildcard—will it be isolationism or interventionism? Nobody knows, least of all the Americans.
Meanwhile, the EU’s “unity” is a patchwork quilt of conflicting interests, stitched together with bureaucratic duct tape. Betting on stability from across the Atlantic while your own house is on fire? That’s not foresight; it’s delusion.
The real punchline? Europe bankrolls this circus while Washington reaps the dividends. At this rate, they might as well start paying for campaign ads in Iowa.