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Cake day: June 5th, 2024

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  • Yes. :)

    When I’m socially nervous or unsure I find it’s helpful to reframe how I’ve defined “conversation”. If my goal is to initiate a discourse instead of a dialogue then I can more clearly define my success criteria. To start a discourse: either ask for information or offer to deliver information.

    Asking for info can be simplified like so:

    1. Have a question in mind and know why you want to ask it. It’s ok to ask for information about damn near anything (including info you already have). This example will ask for help with directions to the nearest park. The reason for asking is to find a convenient place to get some fresh air.
    2. Open with a question that seeks consent and whose response naturally includes an unambiguous pass/fail. Example: “Hey! Would you help me understand something?” This is a yes or no question whose only goal is establishing if the other party is willing to converse.
    3. If no then gracefully bow out of the interaction: “No problem! Thanks for letting me bother you. Have a nice day.” or something similar. That counts as successfully practicing conservation. Goal achieved.
    4. If yes then thank them and ask the intended question: “Thanks. I appreciate the help. Could you show me where to find the nearest public park?”
    5. If no: see step 3.
    6. If yes: let them answer the question.
    7. Take a moment after they finish and consider two things. 1st consideration: Do you have any follow up questions? Examples: “Does that park have a nature path?” - “Is that park pet friendly?”. 2nd consideration: Do you want to ask any of those questions?
    8. If no for either: acknowledge the value of their answer, thank them for it, and then excuse yourself from the conversation. “That’s exactly the info I was looking for. Thank you for your help. Have a great day!”
    9. If yes for both: ask two or three more questions.
    10. Close the interaction by either ending the entire conversation (see step 8) or, if you feel good about it, pivot to a new interaction like a dialogue or friendly debate. An exchange of introductions/names can signal this transition and give the other party another opportunity to opt in or out of a deeper dive.

    The point of this specific set of steps is that you get to choose when you’re done and it comes with a built-in excuse: you’re leaving to make use of the info they gave you!

    Delivering information has fuzzier boundaries and can more easily lead to dialogue. This has benefits and drawbacks. It can still begin similarly and follow the same format as outlined above. Step 2 becomes “Do you like public parks?” and Step 4 becomes “Yes! A fellow park enthusiast. Do you know about the Elroy-Sparta State Trail?” with the rest adjusting similarly.

    If someone is interested in what you’re telling them then they will either ask questions, pivot to a dialogue where they also have info to share, or ask you to share more. If you’ve delivered three or four items, given them space to respond, and they do none of those things, then you can use the same technique seen in Step 3: “Thanks for letting me chat with you for a few minutes. You listening really brightened my day. Have a good one!” and you’re out. Goal achieved.

    Framing their participation as a small favor shifts what could feel like an awkward escape into a successful interaction. They’ve done something nice for someone just by existing. That’s a rare kind of validation. This is useful because delivering information misses out on one of the innate benefits of asking for information: most people are inclined to accommodate trivial favors. Asking for help immediately makes the helper important, useful, and valuable. That’s a huge ego boost for very little effort. Your genuine appreciation for someone’s help validates this feeling and will likely make their whole day. Framing an exit from any social experience in this way can be a very useful tool.

    Your topic, fact, or opinion of choice should be something you find interesting. Encyclopedic knowledge is not required. In fact: being able to admit ignorance is a social green flag and an opportunity to co-learn with a new acquaintance.

    If someone calls you out (“wait… Why are you talking to me?”) then keep it simple. Be direct, honest, and reconfirm consent. “I want to get better at talking with people so I’m practicing conversations. Is that ok?” - Most people are going to light up after this revelation (they’re now a helper). Openly acknowledging a weak point and actively working to improve it is endearing (another green flag). If they aren’t OK with helping you practice then use that graceful exit and go talk to someone else.

    If you’re quite shy, anxious, or nervous then know that you can open with this revelation. If this makes it easier then I encourage you to do so! There are no Conservation Police waiting to haul you away for breaking social norms. You’ll be surprised how many people happily take time for this sort of thing. If nothing else it offers a short and wholesome break from daily monotony. That’s usually why people initiate small talk in the first place.

    Conversation is a skill. We can’t improve a skill unless we practice it. Changing behavior to improve a skill is not “being fake” and, personally, I think “fake it til you make it” is an unhelpful paradigm anyway. We’re not misrepresenting ourselves. We’re choosing to improve how we participate in reality. Anyone who thinks that’s cringe isn’t emotionally mature enough to earn our attention.



  • Sure! That’s an SMTP Relay. A lot of folks jumped on the poopoo wagon. It’s common wisdom in IT that you don’t do your own email. There are good reasons for that, and you should know why that sentiment exists, however; if you’re interested in running your own email: try it! Just don’t put all of your eggs in one basket. Keep your third party service until you’re quite sure you want to move it all in-house (after due diligence is satisfied and you’ve successfully completed at least a few months of testing and smtp reputation warming).

    Email isn’t complex. It’s tough to get right at scale, a pain in the ass if it breaks, and not running afoul of spam filtering can be a challenge. It rarely makes sense for even a small business to roll their own email solution. For an individual approaching this investigatively it can make sense so long as you’re (a.) interested in learning about it, (b.) find the benefits outweigh the risks, and (c.) that the result is worth the ongoing investment (time and labor to set up, secure, update, maintain, etc).

    What’ll get you in trouble regardless is being dependent on that in-house email but not making your solution robust enough to always fill its role. Say you host at home and your house burns down. How inconvenient is it that your self-hosted services burned with it? Can you recover quickly enough, while dealing with tragedy, that the loss of common utility doesn’t make navigating your new reality much more difficult?

    That’s why it rarely makes sense for businesses. Email has become an essential gateway to other tooling and processes. It facilitates an incredible amount of our professional interactions. How many of your bills and bank statements and other important communication are delivered primarily by email? An unreliable email service is intolerable.

    If you’re going to do it make sure you’re doing it right, respecting your future self’s reliance on what present-you builds, and taking it slow while you learn (and document!) how all the pieces fit together. If you can check all of those boxes with a smile then good luck and godspeed says I.




  • There’s some good advice in the comments already and I think you’re on the right track. I’d like to add a few suggestions and outline how I think about the problem.

    Ask if the vendor has installation administrator guides, whitepaper, training material, etc. If yes: ask that they send it to you. You may also be able to find these on the vendor’s website, customer portal, or a public knowledgebase / PDF repo.

    I would want to know three things.

    1. How do users authenticate through the application?
    2. What are all of the ways users may access the application (local only, remote desktop, LAN only, full server/client model)?
    3. Does the vendor have any prescribed solutions for defining who has access to the application, at what privilege level, with access to what features?

    i.e. What parts of the user access, authenticate, authorize pipeline do application admins or system admins have control over and how can we exercise that control?

    Based on some context I assume that the app is reading from Active Directory using RADIUS or LDAP for user auth and that people are physically logging into the machine.

    If this is the only method of authentication then I would gate the application with a second account for each employee who requires access for business reasons defined in their job description (or as close as you can get to that level of justification - some orgs never get there). You can then control who has access to the machine via group policy. Once logged in the user can launch the application with their second account (which would have the required admin access) via “Run as…” or whatever other methods you’d prefer. No local admins logging in directly and yet an application which users can launch as admin. Goal achieved.

    This paradigm lets us attempt balancing security concerns with user pain. The technically literate and daringly curious will either already know or soon discover they can leverage this privilege to install software and make some changes to the system. The additional friction, logging, and 1:1 nature of the account structure makes abusing this privilege less attractive and more easily auditable if someone does choose the fool’s path.

    I can imagine more complex set ups within these constraints but they require more work for the same or worse result.

    Ideally you run the app with a service account and user permissions are defined via Security Groups whose level of access is tied to application features instead of system privs. There are other reasonable schemes. This one is box standard and a decent default sans other pressures.

    If other methods of auth are available (like local, social, cloud, etc) then you’ll have more decent options. I would define the security objectives for application access, define the user access objectives from the Organization’s perspective, and then plot each solution against those two axes (napkin graphs - nothing serious). Whichever of the top three is the least administratively burdensome is then selected as my first choice for implementation with the other two as alternatives.

    An aside: unless there is only one reasonable choice most folks find one option insufficient, two options difficult to decide between, and four options as having one option too many - whenever possible, if another party’s buy-in is desired, present either three options or three variations on one option. This succeeds even when the differences are superficial, especially when the subject is technical, and 2x if the project lead is ignorant of the particulars. People like participating.

    I’d then propose these options to my team/direct report/client, decide on a path forward together, and plan the rest from there. There’s more to consider (again dependent on org maturity) but this is enough to get the project oriented and off the ground.

    Regarding FOSS alternatives: you’re likely locked in with the vendor’s proprietary software for monitoring the cameras. There are exceptions but most commercial security system companies don’t consider interoperability when designing their service offerings. It might be worth investigating but I’d be surprised if you find any third party solutions for monitoring the vendor’s cameras which doesn’t require either a forklift replacement of hardware, flashing all of the existing hardware, or getting hacky with the gear/software.

    I hope this helps! <3




  • I haven’t experienced what you’re describing. Previous experience suggests exposure is the next step for you. If a cooking class isn’t feasible right now then start with watching some videos online (best if they’re home cooks - you want to watch common cooking of foods you like to eat).

    You’re not trying to memorize anything or learn hard skills during this time. You’re only trying to become more familiar with people working in a kitchen so it doesn’t feel as alien and maybe not quite as scary.

    Do that regularly for a while. If it’s too much for you: dial it back. You do want to push your boundaries but only when you’re feeling ok about it. Small wins will turn into more small wins and eventually you might be interested in trying to cook something.

    If that happens, and I suspect it will, know that it is OK to start cautiously and take your time learning how to use the oven and stove top. Try turning a burner on with no pan or pot on top. Let it get hot. Turn it off. Let it cool down. Repeat that across a few days if the first one helps you.

    Once you’re comfortable you should do that practice again and add water to a pan until its half full. Once the burner is hot: place your pan of water on top of the stove burner. Let the water come to a boil. Remove the pan from the stove top. Let the pan and water cool down. Note how much water is missing (some of it will have steamed away while boiling). Add that much water back to the pan and practice this again.

    You can build your experiences, step by step, with safe extensions and new footholds, until you’re feeling confident about cooking something with the boiling water. You’re going to boil an egg!

    Complete your practice again but instead of taking the water off right after it boils: leave it on the burner for 6 minutes. Then remove it and let it cool. Success? Do that again using a pot instead of a pan. Pot half full of water. Grab a serving spoon or similar item. Once the water comes to a boil:

    1. Lower the burner temperature to half / medium. The water should be moving and steamy but the bubbles should be very gentle or cease. Dropping the egg into actively boiling water may cause the egg to crack prematurely.
    2. Use the serving spoon to gently place the egg in the center of the boiling water.
    3. Wait six minutes.
    4. Remove the pot of water from the burner.
    5. Turn the burner off.
    6. Use the serving spoon to lift the egg out of the hot water.
    7. Run the egg under cold water (this helps it from over cooking and helps make peeling easier).
    8. Enjoy your egg.

    You can absolutely boil any kind of pasta, lots of vegetables, and almost all starchy foods. Boiling is very safe because the water regulates the temperature for us. So long as there is water in the pot the pot is unable to meaningfully exceed 100 degrees Celsius (the boiling point of water / ~212F). It is very difficult to burn anything or start a fire while boiling water.

    Best of luck my friend.



  • That’s a problem. Absolutely. It’s not the problem though. I’m not sure the problem can be summarized so succinctly. This is the way I’ve been putting it:

    These are the top reasons humanity needs successful, decentralized, open social media platforms:

    1. Collecting and selling user’s private data is dangerous and unethical.
    2. Using that data to intentionally and directly manipulate user’s thinking is even worse.
    3. All of the major centralized social media companies have been proven to either allow these illicit information campaigns or coordinate them directly. TikTok is the focus right now but Sophie Zhang exposed Facebook for doing exactly what TikTok has been exposed for recently. Can you recall any meaningful consequences for Facebook? Do you think Facebook is now safe to use?
    4. It’s clear that most political leaders are either too ignorant, too corrupt, or too inept to meaningfully legislate against these problems.
    5. The concerned public can’t shut Pandora’s box. No one is coming to save us from big tech or the monied interests and nation-states that wield it.
    6. The concerned public can’t easily and legally audit the platforms big tech builds because they are closed and proprietary.
    7. Personal choice is not enough. Not using centralized social media increases personal safety but does little to curb its influence otherwise.

    These are listed by order of intuitive acceptance rather than importance. I find it aids the conversation.

    The best reasonable answer to these problems I’ve seen proposed is for the public to create an open and decentralized alternative that’s easier to use and provides a better user experience.

    Will that kind of alternative be a force for pure good? I’m not sure. To your point: I’m not convinced social media of any kind can be more than self-medication to cope with modernity. Then again I’ve had incredible and meaningful conversations with close friends after passing the bong around and spent time on Facebook/Reddit, and now Mastodon/Lemmy/etc, doing the same. Those interactions were uplifting and humanizing in ways that unified and encouraged all involved.

    I think the truth lies somewhere in the middle. We need to take care of each other, refuse pure hedonism, and protect the vulnerable (and we’re all varying degrees of vulnerable). At the same time: humans aren’t happy in sterile viceless productivity prisons. Creating spaces for leisure which do no harm in the course of their use isn’t just a nice idea… It’s necessary for a functional and happy society.


  • That’s a fair take. Silver Blue is great and, in the spirit of the thread, if I were helping an interested but hesitant lifelong Windows/Intel/Nvidia user migrate to Linux today I would:

    1. Buy them a new SSD or m.2 (a decent 1tb is ~$50 & a good one only ~$100).
    2. Have them write down what applications, tools, games, sites, etc they use most often.
    3. Swap their current Windows OS drive with the new drive and, if needed, show them how and why that works or provide an illustrated how-to (so this choice is not a one-way street paved with anxiety. If they want to swap back, or transfer files, or whatever else; they can. Easily). Storage drives are just diaries for computers. The user should know there’s nothing scary or mystical about them.
    4. Install Fedora Kinoite on that new drive.
    5. Swap them from Fedora’s custom Flatpak repository to Flathub proper. A decision that should be given to the user on install IMO but I digress.
    6. Install their catalogue of goodies from step 2 so they’re not starting from scratch.
    7. Install pika and configure a sane home directory backup cadence.
    8. Ask them to kick the tires and test drive that Linux install for at least a month.

    Kinoite is going to feel the most like Windows and, once configured, stay out of the way while being a safe, familiar, transparent gateway to the things the user wants to use.

    My personal OS choices are driven by ideals, familiarity, design preferences, and a bank of good will / public trust.

    I disagree with some of Red Hat’s business model. I fully support the approach SUSE takes. I’m also used to the OpenSUSE ecosystem, agree with most of their project’s design philosophies, and trust their intentions. I’m not a “fan” though and will happily recommend and install Silver Blue or any other FOSS system on someone’s computer if that’s what they want and it makes sense for them! Opinionated discussion can be productive and healthy. Zealotry facilitates neither.

    That said: Aeon has been out of beta for a while. The latest release is Release Candidate 3 and they’re closing in on the first full release. Nvidia drivers work after a bit of fiddling. 🙂

    I’m going to edit my previous post to add the Kinoite suggestion for posterity’s sake.



  • This is admittedly a bit pedantic but it’s not that the risk doesn’t exist (there may be quite a lot to gain from having your info). It’s because the risk is quite low and the benefit is worth the favorable gamble. Not dissimilar to discussing deeply personal health details with medical professionals. Help begins with trust.

    There’s an implicit trust (and often an explicit and enforceable legal agreement in professional contexts (trust, but verify)) between sys admins and troubleshooters. Good admins want quiet happy systems and good devs want to squash bugs. If the dev also dons a black hat occasionally they’d be idiotic to shit where they eat. Not many idiots are part of teams that build things lots of people use.

    edit: ope replied to the wrong comment



  • Start here: https://nesslabs.com/how-to-think-better This isn’t an endorsement (though I do like ness labs). That article offers practical evidence-based starting points and additional resources at the end.

    There are many people/systems/schools that will offer strategies and solutions. Some are practical and effective. None of them are a replacement for learning what it means to think well, learning how to think well, or actually thinking well.

    The next step is learning the jargon of philosophy so you can ask meaningful questions and parse the answers (this is true for any new discipline). I recommend reading anything on the topics of epistemology, ethics, and aesthetics, which resonate with you. Then find others to discuss what you’ve read. You do not have to be right or knowledgeable to earn a voice in the conversation: only an interest in discovering how you might be wrong and helping others discern the same for themselves.

    If you haven’t read any classical philosophy but are interested I recommend Euthyphro. It’s brief, poignant, and entertaining.

    I hope this helps! Happy to discuss further as well.