Yes. :)
When I’m socially nervous or unsure I find it’s helpful to reframe how I’ve defined “conversation”. If my goal is to initiate a discourse instead of a dialogue then I can more clearly define my success criteria. To start a discourse: either ask for information or offer to deliver information.
Asking for info can be simplified like so:
- Have a question in mind and know why you want to ask it. It’s ok to ask for information about damn near anything (including info you already have). This example will ask for help with directions to the nearest park. The reason for asking is to find a convenient place to get some fresh air.
- Open with a question that seeks consent and whose response naturally includes an unambiguous pass/fail. Example: “Hey! Would you help me understand something?” This is a yes or no question whose only goal is establishing if the other party is willing to converse.
- If no then gracefully bow out of the interaction: “No problem! Thanks for letting me bother you. Have a nice day.” or something similar. That counts as successfully practicing conservation. Goal achieved.
- If yes then thank them and ask the intended question: “Thanks. I appreciate the help. Could you show me where to find the nearest public park?”
- If no: see step 3.
- If yes: let them answer the question.
- Take a moment after they finish and consider two things. 1st consideration: Do you have any follow up questions? Examples: “Does that park have a nature path?” - “Is that park pet friendly?”. 2nd consideration: Do you want to ask any of those questions?
- If no for either: acknowledge the value of their answer, thank them for it, and then excuse yourself from the conversation. “That’s exactly the info I was looking for. Thank you for your help. Have a great day!”
- If yes for both: ask two or three more questions.
- Close the interaction by either ending the entire conversation (see step 8) or, if you feel good about it, pivot to a new interaction like a dialogue or friendly debate. An exchange of introductions/names can signal this transition and give the other party another opportunity to opt in or out of a deeper dive.
The point of this specific set of steps is that you get to choose when you’re done and it comes with a built-in excuse: you’re leaving to make use of the info they gave you!
Delivering information has fuzzier boundaries and can more easily lead to dialogue. This has benefits and drawbacks. It can still begin similarly and follow the same format as outlined above. Step 2 becomes “Do you like public parks?” and Step 4 becomes “Yes! A fellow park enthusiast. Do you know about the Elroy-Sparta State Trail?” with the rest adjusting similarly.
If someone is interested in what you’re telling them then they will either ask questions, pivot to a dialogue where they also have info to share, or ask you to share more. If you’ve delivered three or four items, given them space to respond, and they do none of those things, then you can use the same technique seen in Step 3: “Thanks for letting me chat with you for a few minutes. You listening really brightened my day. Have a good one!” and you’re out. Goal achieved.
Framing their participation as a small favor shifts what could feel like an awkward escape into a successful interaction. They’ve done something nice for someone just by existing. That’s a rare kind of validation. This is useful because delivering information misses out on one of the innate benefits of asking for information: most people are inclined to accommodate trivial favors. Asking for help immediately makes the helper important, useful, and valuable. That’s a huge ego boost for very little effort. Your genuine appreciation for someone’s help validates this feeling and will likely make their whole day. Framing an exit from any social experience in this way can be a very useful tool.
Your topic, fact, or opinion of choice should be something you find interesting. Encyclopedic knowledge is not required. In fact: being able to admit ignorance is a social green flag and an opportunity to co-learn with a new acquaintance.
If someone calls you out (“wait… Why are you talking to me?”) then keep it simple. Be direct, honest, and reconfirm consent. “I want to get better at talking with people so I’m practicing conversations. Is that ok?” - Most people are going to light up after this revelation (they’re now a helper). Openly acknowledging a weak point and actively working to improve it is endearing (another green flag). If they aren’t OK with helping you practice then use that graceful exit and go talk to someone else.
If you’re quite shy, anxious, or nervous then know that you can open with this revelation. If this makes it easier then I encourage you to do so! There are no Conservation Police waiting to haul you away for breaking social norms. You’ll be surprised how many people happily take time for this sort of thing. If nothing else it offers a short and wholesome break from daily monotony. That’s usually why people initiate small talk in the first place.
Conversation is a skill. We can’t improve a skill unless we practice it. Changing behavior to improve a skill is not “being fake” and, personally, I think “fake it til you make it” is an unhelpful paradigm anyway. We’re not misrepresenting ourselves. We’re choosing to improve how we participate in reality. Anyone who thinks that’s cringe isn’t emotionally mature enough to earn our attention.
Ollama has a few uncensored models listed on their search page. dolphin-mixtral fits the bill.
Some useful links: https://ollama.com/search https://ollama.com/library/dolphin-mixtral https://huggingface.co/cognitivecomputations/dolphin-2.5-mixtral-8x7b https://erichartford.com/uncensored-models
I’m not associated with any of the orgs or people linked above. I’m just a nerd passing by who happened to know where to find the answer. ❤️