I’m 30 years old (soon to be 31). I’m a new trans woman (still working through how I might accept it and see myself). I’m unsure how far I should go. I’ve spoken at some length on other communities about what it feels like to be “ugly and masc”. I realize feeling like I can’t “pass” as a fem is partly due to deeply rooted transphobia. I have what most older men have: masculine distribution of fat (bit of a belly), hairy everywhere, fears of balding (so far not yet), deepish voice, etc.
If I had no friends or family, I’d probably just go all in: hormone therapies, voice training, surgeries, etc. But I feel like I need to pass in front of my immediate family since I’m sure I wouldn’t be accepted. I love them, but they wouldn’t get it.
I don’t know how far I should go with transitioning. I am currently considering growing out my hair, shaving, and trying to do exercises that conform my body to a more stereotypical feminine shape. Is there a lot of risk in hormone therapies and voice training? Is it hard to go “boy mode” after the fact? What about being 30+ years old and starting it? Should I just accept I’ll never pass?
I started to transition at the age of 44. Wife, no kids (fortunately), and a semi-public career.
I held most of the fears that you do about passing, still have my doubts, but after 10 months of hrt, passing is much less of a concern.
Hormones have been the greatest antidepressant. Seeing my body slowly shift along with my emotions has been the greatest confirmation that I’m doing the right thing for myself. I actually feel like I want to live now. I want to keep going.
As far you should go. Who knows? That’s entirely up to every individual. Some people find peace in the mere realisation that they are trans and make no changes at all. Others need to socially and medically transition as quickly and completely as possible before they’re happy.
There are as many ways to transition as there are trans people. Try exploring a little bit with your presentation and see how that makes you feel. Just feel it out step by step and see what feels right for you. At this stage I might suggest not even thinking about it as transitioning to female but more about figuring out who you are as an individual.
Personally, I got on estrogen as quickly as possible. Months before I came out to friends and family (my wife knew from the start). 10 months later and I’m pretty much still boymoding but in women’s jeans and T-shirts.
My look is becoming rather androgynous though. I keep getting “the squint” as people try to get a read on me. 😆
Best thing to do is find a therapist who specialises in gender issues. Mine was invaluable in the early months.
This is why I started estrogen, I couldn’t mentally handle thinking of starting HRT with the goal of becoming a woman, because I felt I never would be a woman and all of that was just too painful. So instead I set a more achievable goal: transition just to improve my mental health, just to feel better.
Estrogen made me life affirming for the first time since before puberty, I had no idea I was even depressed before, but I am so much happier and “normal” on estrogen. I had no idea this could be the case, I didn’t even know trans people were impacted this way, it was shocking to me when I read about “biochemical dysphoria”.
I remember after first taking estrogen that whether I was trans or not, I would happily take estrogen as a recreational drug. That was a bit clarifying, as no matter whether I decided to continue transition or to live as a woman, I knew that estrogen felt amazing and I wanted to keep taking it. That estrogen might someday make me look like a woman was just a bonus. :-)
Funny thing was, I was so scared of not passing that it took quite a few sessions in therapy to find the confidence to just ‘try’ hormones.
As the weeks passed and changes started I became more and more comfortable with transitioning. I remember a few weeks in there was a moment as if a switch was flicked in my brain and life went from black and white to colour. I was walking in the evening and started crying at how beautiful the sunset through the trees looked. I’d never experienced emotions like it!
Are the hormones pretty expensive?
I live in the uk so I diy. I can get approximately 18 months worth of hormones and injection supplies for £100.
In the U.S. 1 year of injectable estrogen costs me around $100, FYI. Less now that I’ve had an orchi (my dose is maybe a quarter of what it was pre-surgery).
Woah I thought that was going to be the biggest factor. I had no idea it was so cost effective.
Wait until you start looking for clothes 😆
or hair removal 💀
Trying to gauge how bad electrolysis price this is: is $100/hr a lot for it?
That seems about right! I currently get about 1 hour a week on the genital region in prep for vaginoplasty (some weeks I double up, so 2 x 1 hour sessions in a week).
Okay, great to hear! Knowing i wont be getting price-gouged is good.
Does it generally take the whole hour for that one area, even after its been thinned down by previous sessions?
HRT is cheap, relatively speaking. Just remember that you also need to get frequent blood tests. There can be very small side effects depending on your specific treatment and medical history, so doctors will want to make sure things are kept in check. I’m on spiro and a marathon runner, so I also need to watch potassium, for instance.
The real expense is laser/electrolysis, and eventually surgery if you decide that’s the right path for you. I personally can’t wait to get all the testosterone poisoning gone, but I know it will take time and planning. And it will be worth it!