I’m 30 years old (soon to be 31). I’m a new trans woman (still working through how I might accept it and see myself). I’m unsure how far I should go. I’ve spoken at some length on other communities about what it feels like to be “ugly and masc”. I realize feeling like I can’t “pass” as a fem is partly due to deeply rooted transphobia. I have what most older men have: masculine distribution of fat (bit of a belly), hairy everywhere, fears of balding (so far not yet), deepish voice, etc.
If I had no friends or family, I’d probably just go all in: hormone therapies, voice training, surgeries, etc. But I feel like I need to pass in front of my immediate family since I’m sure I wouldn’t be accepted. I love them, but they wouldn’t get it.
I don’t know how far I should go with transitioning. I am currently considering growing out my hair, shaving, and trying to do exercises that conform my body to a more stereotypical feminine shape. Is there a lot of risk in hormone therapies and voice training? Is it hard to go “boy mode” after the fact? What about being 30+ years old and starting it? Should I just accept I’ll never pass?
Face doesn’t bug me nearly as much as chest/nether regions tbh. I’ve had a thick beard for years, but i know once i finally shave it off it’ll bug me a lot more when it regrows. (Edit: and it will be significantly harder to remain stealthy when its gone)
Chest grows thick enough that it genuinely affects how clothes fit my body and just feels miserable. Nether regions its irritating and scratchy and makes my thighs feel gross.
ah, interesting - I barely had any hair on my chest or legs to start with, so that might be part of the difference - I basically had a small patch on my sternum that I didn’t really notice until after I transitioned (and then it bothered me immensely, despite being thin and whispy). I always disliked my beard, it felt unclean and like having pubes on my face - not shaving was like the ultimate giving up on my self-care, and was the start of a particularly bad period for me. So shaving it resumed immediately and my sensitivity became rather extreme, beard shadow or its absence had a pretty significant impact on my mood.
Yeah, the center of my chest it was thick enough i couldn’t see my bare skin through it.
My beard does bug me still, and sideburns drive me batshit crazy (giant head + thick sideburns + glasses + headphones = PRESSURE!!), but its relatively manageable for me.
It does still depress me though; the main reason i grew it was giving up on constant shaving, but i also unfortunately learned that a beard makes me significantly more approachable as a person. As in, i stopped noticing people skittering away from me in stores ☹️
Its also in my picture for multiple forms of work ID cards/badges.