Personal favorite is twat waffle
I refuse to play mind games with the unarmed.
I just don’t think a pre-packaged comeback (hilarious as many of these are!) can truly ‘destroy’ someone. It needs to be personal to the situation to really hit them deep. Unfortunately I can’t think of an example.
“The best part of you ran down your mother’s leg.”
The best part? My friend’s dad said that to him when we were kids. Yeah, he was a major asshole. Also, not scientifically accurate. He was pretty stupid.
Fuck your entire fucking life, ya piece of shit.
I had a buddy who teed himself up for your mom jokes constantly. I swung and hit pretty much every time.
One evening he had enough and blew up. “God, you’re such a dick! You must be the biggest dick in the fucking world!”
“Well, I fit in your mom just fine, so I don’t see what the problem is.”
There are people who did not stand at the front of the line when intelligence was gifted . But that guy wasn’t even invited at all…
What are you for?
Have heard some great ones in Glasgow. The best part of you slid down the inside of yer mother’s leg.
They couldn’t pour water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel
But I’m a genius in France!
We have a similar one to this when someone is incompetent which is “They couldn’t organise a pissup in a brewery”.
My personal variation, “couldn’t organise a pissup in a pissupery”.
Couldn’t organise a root in a brothel
“Are you a professional moron, or just a gifted amateur?” - Carl Johnson, GTA: San Andreas. Top tier.
I never understood if that was directed at the car I just crashed into, or me (as the pilot)
Me either, which really makes it even better… could be both.
I go with “Are you a professional fuckwit or is it just a hobby?” But its really the same joke.
“Wow, you’re the worst part of both your parents”
Burn!
Please apologize to the tree that produced the oxygen you breathe.
“Wisdom pursues you, but you’ve managed to outrun it.”
or
“Wow, it must have taken all three of your brain cells to come up with that.”
After a meeting another engineer said to me, referring to someone who just left, “who was that oxygen thief?”
I replied, “my manager”… Putting the laughter in slaughter with that comment.
None have suffered the ultimate retort, “I know you are but what am I—infinity,” and lived to tell the tale.
Oooh that infinity at the end! That’s all time. Literally.
