Cruelty or aggression towards other people. You might be treated differently early in the relationship but eventually that’s gonna be you on the receiving end.

There’s many but some new ones for me:

• They shit talk others behind their back as a hobby. They’ll do it to you too

• They’re not curious about things. I’ll get bored due to lack of interesting conversation

• They never take ownership of fault or apologize. Everything will be blamed on you

Apparently if you do a - followed by a space it formats as a bulleted list!

How they respond to them asking me to do something and I say, “No.” If they accept it without any problem and move on, that’s good. If they inquire about it to make sure they are respecting boundaries, I’m okay, or there’s something they can do to ameliorate a situation, that’s good. If they argue it or insist in anyway, then that’s a red flag. The reason is that they are implying that they don’t accept my desires and situation as important in and of itself. I am more of a tool to achieve what they want because they are not demonstrating care for my experience. They are demonstrating that they will fight for what they want, so consent is a task to be acquired/achieved, not an natural approval based on mutual benefit.

Love bombing

• doesn’t return shopping cart to corral at the store
• rude to service industry people or anyone else they see as being lower status
• mean to animals
• if she has kids, treats them as a burden/neglects them
• expects me to pick up the tab for everything at all times, excepting rare situations like “we’ve been together a while & live together, she just lost her job but is actively looking”
• has a breathalyzer interlock on her car’s ignition
• in general, acts cruel or mean to people without obvious provocation
• any form of physical, emotional, or verbal abuse
• excessive consumption of alcohol or marijuana
• any consumption of harder drugs
• any other sign of gross immaturity or irresponsibility not listed above - i’m looking for a partner, not a dependant

Booze and weed. I just don’t want it in my life anymore.

Mostly based on the shitty exes of the straight women I know:

Votes R. This means they do not respect women full stop.

Does not reciprocate emotional labor.

Swears liking femboys is straight.

Gets upset when told no.

Lack of confidence. This usually comes with all sorts of manipulative behavior to get what they want because they won’t say it outright. Had a friend seek out a dominant person who turned out to really be a submissive but couldn’t get women that way, so he would try and get them emotionally attached and manipulate them into dominating him without negotiating for those things.

The need to be right.

Being offended by the man vs bear thing.

Jokes about sexual assault.

Any hints of abuse. Controlling behavior. Love bombing. Etc. It’s only going to get worse.

Cop.

Someone who says I can’t have my 5.1 surround sound on the main TV. Basically she is saying "you might enjoy movies and TV this way but you aren’t allowed to enjoy them anymore "

I’ll walk away. I’ll find someone who either prefers movies in surround or is at least neutral in it and won’t mind if I have the theater turned on.

People who seem too desperate for approval too soon after meeting, ie the person who asked if I thought they were “problematic” and “a bad person” for their taste in media after our first date.

Maybe it’s because of my own mental health history, I have OCD and I’ve engaged in that behavior before too. If I’m with someone else who does it I’m liable to relapse and it turns into a two-person misery spiral. Maybe someone a little healthier could just reassure them and move on, but I’m not there yet.

Also, I don’t date anyone who just got out of a relationship. Their ex will change their mind and take her back and I’ll look stupid 😭

Continually having to explain why something is or is not funny.