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“Oh shit. They killed the prophet. Now what?”
“We’ll say he came back to life!”
“Brilliant! But… uhh… then what do we say when people ask where he is?”
“Ohhhh. Uhhhh… he came back to life, but then he like ascended to heaven. Couldn’t stick around. Sorry, mate, he isn’t here.”
“Well, they’ve believed all of this other stupid shit up until this point, so let’s give it a try.”
I mean not just a weekend, a HOLIDAY WEEKEND. He totally missed out on easter weekend.
He was back in time for the egg hunt. Wait a second, where was he when the Easter Bunny was here?!?
“J just like his Dad
E ever so just (like his Dad)
S specless (he never wore glasses)
U unable to swim
S sometimes I wonder if he was praying for the betraying kiss of Judas so as not to miss out on his Easter egg
C cut bread into very thin slices
H hippy aeroplane impressionist
R really easy to spot in a crowd on a Good Friday
I I wonder if he had a dog
S escapologist
T took him three days but he did it
- In the name of the Lord”
― John Hegley, Can I Come Down Now Dad?
Dude come on. He went to hell, freed some sinners, forgave everyone’s original sin… It was a busy weekend.
That’s right. Jesus went to Hell and suffered for our sins.
Which is why we all have to do our part and commit sins. Otherwise, Jesus will have suffered for nothing. 😢
No problem on that front. Just being alive is a sin unless we get babtized by the church, or so it says.
Yeah, but he’s got like three parts, one of which lost the keys, one of which had to die to find the keys for a gate that shouldn’t have been locked in the first place, and the holy Ghost (I don’t remember what that one does. Booo?)
And that’s before you step back and wonder why an all-powerful, all-knowing, and (supposedly) all-loving god would create such a stupidly convoluted requirement to “save” the humanity that he created and put in the position in the first place.
Straight up nonsense. So many plot holes, it’s not even a good story.
There’s not even time travel or multiverse Jesus!
Mysterious ways, my friend, mysterious ways.
Yeah, all of this was necessary too because… His dad set it up that way?
He is his own dad, because he did do the nasty in the pasty.
His dad was strict and vengeful. But Jesus only wanted to chill with his homies.
Wait, he went to hell? So canonically Jesus is a bad person? Which means the god is too? Yooo
I see, it’s Christian fan fiction. Good for them!
The whole bible’s fan fic, but I think this one also counts as canon
I heard there was a lot of heated disagreement in the fandom over the years about what counts as canon. Just like Star Wars fr
The bible is basically a combination of Star Wars (sand) & Game of Thrones (long family lines & rape)
Canonically, like, actual canon canonically, he didn’t even give up his weekend. He went up to chill in Heaven for awhile, with a side trip to Limbo to rescue the Old Testament prophets and some other old dead guys. He didn’t give up his weekend; he went on vacation.
He didn’t go to Heaven but he did go to a sort-of limbo - Sheol/Hades. Kind of like a shoe closet but for souls.
So… he pulled a Metro Man?
You know who stayed dead? Judas Iscariot. Apparently he’s suffering in hell for eternity too, unlike Jesus who only had a bad weekend. Judas’ story is infinitely more tragic, even if you assume he betrayed Jesus out of his own free will, but the gospels suggest he was just a pawn in some sick cosmic game.
In the Gospel of Judas he is Christ’s closest ally and understood he had to do his part to make everything happen.
Whoa there, God made that happen, no point in pinning it on Judas. It was all planned.
So unfair that Judas get all that heat from following someone else’s plan. Then Satan gets the fame.
Maybe Judas was the Christ all along
Maybe the real Judas was the friends we made along the way
From now on, the only priest I’m listening to is Judas Priest
There’s no way Judas lived in Hell for more than a few decades. Jesus said eternal life is only for his followers.
Depending on your exact Christian denomination your soul either get annihilated in a finite time or stays there forever. Choose your own adventure.
your soul either get annihilated
Yes please.
If people want to believe the souls of the dead live forever in the underworld they should convert to Hellenism. Jesus was very clear.
“You were bad, so Jesus took a nap. Now god forgives you”
Huuuh? I need more wine for this crap…
Just ask the giant bunny that delivers unfertilized eggs from chickens in remembrance of this to explain it to you.
Upvoted for mentioning they’re unfertilized. As someone who grew up working on farms, it always surprises me how many people think the eggs they buy in the store are all potential chickens.
People think we’re eating chicken abortions but really we’re eating chicken periods.
Who among us hasn’t taken a day off work to come back and find that your coworkers ate the fruit you left in the communal fridge, and then subsequently condemned your coworkers and all of their descendants to eternal suffering, then felt bad later and changed your mind, pretending your son died for a couple days to drum up sympathy and distract from your overreaction?
The fruit wasn’t just left in the fridge. You told your coworkers about it, and how eating it would literally allow you, for the first time, to tell the difference between good and evil. Implying that you could not have known whether eating it was the right or wrong thing to do in the first place.
Also, somehow it’s a bad thing to eat it and learn that?
Yeah… But I don’t wanna get nailed to a cross. Even if it is just for a day or two. That sounds no bueno.
I prefer getting nailed on a bed
Crucifixion was an exceptionally awful way to die. It could take days. The Roman soldiers were required to stay until the victim was dead, so sometimes they would stab them or build fires at the base of the cross to hurry the process along. The mere act of being crucified, even if you assumed the subject didn’t stay dead, represents an incredible act of dedication.
To be fair, it’s not supposed to be Jesus’s sacrifice in Christianity, but humanity’s. Instead of having to sacrifice a chicken or a lamb for every occasion, God’s physical presence on earth was sacrificed as payment for all sins forever.
But like the picture says he came back after 3 days so the whole thing was pointless. More pointless than the general pointlessness of a god making a human version of himself to kill to open the doors to a heaven or hell that he could have done at any time for any reason himself and also knew it was coming. It’s seriously the dumbest story in the entire world
He came back for a few days, then left forever.
The “sacrifice” is that he didn’t stick around forever.
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Wait, do Christians actually understand this?
This meme is not even close to theologically accurate. It’s just a meme.
He had a pretty killer Friday though to be fair
It was Good, not great.
Make Friday Great Again
It’s like in anime when the characters use some “forbidden technique” that steals 10 years of their life span, then the anime ends with the character still growing old well enough.
“anime old” is like 150 years old or whatever, so 10 years off that don’t change much…
If dying for our sins was the master plan, wouldn’t he have volunteered for crucifixion?
He did kinda convict himself according to the Bible. I dread doing things that require social interaction even if I know they’re good for myself and others, so I can imagine being crucified in front of his haters wasn’t exactly something he looked forward to on a human level.
Why would an omniscient and omnipotent being need to volunteer for anything ?
Ok I’m confused how did he die the second time?
The bible just says he “was taken up into heaven”, not saying how and suspiciously using passive voice. So aliens.
The demiurge took him
Ok cool so the aliens are going to drop him back off again and he’s going to take all these moron evangelical people with him back to the Death Star or whatever. I hope
He said he taught in parables (occulted information) so certain people wouldn’t be “saved” (I assume because they were greedy and hateful that would pervert the information, as has been proven since, repeatedly, and misuse it to the ends of oppression in the service of greed; but this is after a few years reading/studying the Ethiopian Bible and related texts, such as Jewish encyclopedia among many other things), and stop taking everything so literally.
Wow, really sounds like the work of an all-loving god.
I guess all of those people who were genocided in his name in the OT didn’t deserve to be “saved” either.
He did his part. Now it’s our turns
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He didn’t. he’s just lost. That’s why everyone tries to find him
Just found this community, and I have read thr sidebar. Thank you moderators for being rational and setting off limits! Have a happy easter, you all! ❤️
Didn’t gave up, he went home for the weekend and then back
